


It's been written in the scars on our hearts (We're not broken, just bent)

by eafay70



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-03-27 03:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13872270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70
Summary: Carl's final conversation with Loui in Boston doesn't leave him alone in Colorado.





	It's been written in the scars on our hearts (We're not broken, just bent)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jellyfish_spine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfish_spine/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Kintsugi](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10905231) by [jellyfish_spine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfish_spine/pseuds/jellyfish_spine). 



> Hi! :) I admit that I had never read a fic featuring either of these two before being assigned your fic for this challenge, but as soon as I was assigned your fic, I read it and loved it so much that I reread it about five times in one sitting. I hope my remix does your wonderful fic justice. <3
> 
> To quote the original fic's summary:  
>  _Kintsugi: the art of repairing broken pottery with powdered gold - treating breakage and repair as a part of a pieces history, rather than something to be disguised._
> 
> I chose this remix's title, which is from the song "Just Give Me a Reason" by P!nk featuring Nate Ruess, because I think it conveys the same feeling of a flaw being a part of one's history instead of something fatal.

**Summer**  
Carl looked up at the stars, then back at Loui. He wasn't feeling sappy enough to claim that Loui was as beautiful as the night sky, but he couldn't deny how grateful he felt to be sharing this moment with Loui.

As if in full agreement with Carl's assessment of the moment, Ivar jumped on Loui's lap and nudged his hands to demand attention. Naturally, Loui obliged, scratching the cat's head fondly. "I love you," Loui said softly. "I've always loved you."

Carl wanted to believe that Loui was addressing him, but he wasn't holding his breath. After all, they'd spent enough time together for Loui to have said something by now, or at least given a clearer hint, right? And a love confession just before Carl was to leave Boston for Colorado seemed a little too cliched.

Loui sank deeper into his chair, still scratching Ivar and smiling as the cat's purrs grew louder. "Släkt, you're everything to me."

"Ivar might love you more than me, Loui," Carl said softly as he set two more beers between them. "He's going to miss your visits." Taking a sip of beer, he focused his gaze on Loui, hoping Loui could see just how much Carl would miss him, too.

Loui's head lolled to the side, his eyes falling shut. "I love you, Carl," he said, plainly and calmly.

"Love you, too, Loui." Carl smiled hopefully as he reached over to scratch Ivar, brushing his fingers against Loui's softly. Why did this have to be his first and last chance to touch Loui like this?

Loui frowned. "No, Carl, I love you - släkt." He must not have seen the love in Carl's gaze, because he kept talking: "I want you, all of you, I can't imagine spending any more of my life without you. I'd be stupid to let you get on a plane to Denver without letting you know."

Carl felt his face flush as Loui took a long sip of beer. Why, why, why hadn't Loui said something sooner? Sure, it made Carl feel warm inside to imagine all the different ways he and Loui could have been more than just friends, but he was still getting on a plane to Denver.

 **Fall**  
Things were going well in Colorado, much better than in Boston, with one major exception: Carl couldn't stop thinking about Boston.

To be specific, he couldn't stop thinking about Loui's last words to him in Boston: "Never mind, I take it back."

He couldn't stop thinking about Ivar falling to the floor as Loui stood up and left - no goodbye, no well wishes, just those words. "Never mind, I take it back."

And now that Loui was in Denver with the Bruins?

Well, suffice to say that Carl played and played well, even without a point to show for it, while Loui sat on the bench in silence. And even if it hurt Carl to know that Loui wasn't doing well professionally, he was used to the silence by now - in fact, he was doing his part in maintaining the silence, too. Maybe the silence would never quite stop hurting, but at least Carl was playing well...right?

 **Winter**  
Carl didn't know what possessed him to check Find My Friends and look up where Loui was.

...Okay, that wasn't quite true. He'd thought about checking Loui's location on the app quite often over the past few months, but he'd managed to resist for a fairly simple reason: He wouldn't have handled it very well if Loui had turned it off.

So what made this situation different?

Well, he was in Sweden for Christmas break. And being in his homeland for the holidays made something within Carl click: He needed to hear Loui say something, anything, other than those words, even if it was angry shouting before hanging up the phone.

And the holiday season made things feel optimistic, which lessened his fear of Loui having turned off Find My Friends. It wasn't rational, but quite frankly nothing about this was rational.

With his mind made up, Carl tapped on the app - and let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding when he got his answer. Loui was home, too. It was time to take action.

And so, not long thereafter, Carl found himself sitting on a train, double-checking which of Loui's phone numbers was the European one. With another deep breath to calm himself, Carl placed the call.

"Hallå?" Loui didn't sound particularly happy, but he didn't sound particularly angry, so Carl counted that as a plus.

"Loui, come get Fika with me today." It was a good thing Carl had written down that idea beforehand, because he didn't think he'd be able to keep his voice neutral as he spoke.

"I'm in Sweden right now." 

"I know, I'm going to be in Gothenburg in a couple hours."

"What do you mean you know?"

"You never turned off Find My Friends." Maybe Loui thought he had?...Carl shook his head and stuck to the script. "I'm in Malmö for the holidays. I'm on a train to Gothenburg now and I will be eating cakes, even if you don't show up."

He hung up and exhaled deeply. Now all he could do was hope.

*

Carl chose a quiet coffee shop near the river. He struggled not to swoon at how good Loui looked sitting with their coffees, and he struggled not to cry at the sugars and creams next to his coffee - did Loui think he had a new coffee order? Had they grown that far apart?

"I'm sorry, Carl," Loui said.

"I know," Carl replied. He pushed the plate with Loui's favorite almond tarte towards Loui - it was still Loui's favorite, right?

Carl's doubts only increased as he ate his sticky chocolate cake while Loui just pushed the tarte around with his fork. Was it too late? No, it couldn't be...

"What do you want me to say, Carl?" Loui asked, staring at his plate.

Carl shrugged and continued eating, not wanting to let his gaze wander from Loui for a millisecond. "Say what you feel, I'm just here for the cake." It wasn't quite the truth, but it was as close to the truth as he felt able to articulate.

"I want you to be miserable," Loui said after what felt like an eternity but couldn't have been very long at all. Carl sipped his coffee, set his fork on his now-empty plate, and leaned back in his chair as Loui continued to speak. "I hate that you're so happy in Colorado. You're supposed to be suffering, not me - I didn't get traded."

Carl hadn't thought it was possible to feel even worse about the situation, but the fact that Loui was suffering accomplished that.

"You've got Gabe, and you've got Comeau, and I have no one."

That wasn't true! Carl jumped in to correct Loui. "You've got the Davids, and Spooner -"

"Don't joke, Carl, they don't enjoy playing with me. They don't play like you."

Carl gave Loui a half-smile in spite of himself. "No one plays like Carl."

"I just want you back," Loui replied.

"You never lost me, Loui." Carl had never spoken truer words.

"It's not that simple, Carl. You're so far away all the time. How am I going to play with them?"

"What did you do before me, in Dallas?" It wasn't really an answer, but Carl was at a loss.

"It's not that simple."

"I know." Carl hated how Loui visibly deflated at that empty phrase, so he kept talking. "They would've traded you too if they thought you couldn't produce without me."

Loui rolled his eyes. "It's so not about that!"

"Then what is it about, Loui?" Carl scowled, hating the direction this was going. "You come over and tell me you love me, then you take it back. You ignore me for months and then tell me I don't understand. You don't explain yourself, you don't tell me what you want from me?"

"What am I supposed to do?" Loui was crying now. "Tell you that I love you and just hope you love me back? Tell you that I feel like I'm dying every day that I don't get to be with you, don't get to talk to you?"

Carl reached over and wiped away Loui's tears, his heart feeling just a bit lighter despite Loui's visible distress. "You know I love you too, Loui. You don't think I'm even a little bit miserable without you?"

"You're so happy in Colorado, you're so much happier than you ever were in Boston."

"That's not because of you or Gabe or anyone. It's a me thing - you know how hard being in Boston was for me." Carl kept stroking his thumb along Loui's cheek, wiping away each and every tear. "If I had known it would hurt you so much, I would've stayed."

"I'd never ask that of you."

"I know." It was one of the many reasons why Carl loved Loui - and it was time to show Loui just how much he loved him.

Carl leaned over and softly kissed Loui, then pulled away so he could press his forehead against Loui's. "I love you, Loui. You didn't lose me in the trade, I'm just somewhere else. I can always make space for you." He sat back and pushed the half-eaten tart towards Loui. "Now eat. I know how much you love mazariner."

 **Spring**  
Carl was in a good place now.

Okay, maybe not literally - airplanes weren't much fun, no matter where he was going.

But he was happy, much happier than he'd been in Boston, even if part of the reason for his newfound - or maybe re-found? - happiness was still in Boston most of the time.

Life in Colorado had improved greatly thanks to Loui, which seemed odd to say given the 1,975 miles separating them. But it was true. Even Ivar seemed happier now that Loui called regularly and sent pictures between calls.

Carl couldn't help smiling as he got off the plane in Malmö. By the time he walked down the stairs to baggage claim and actually saw Loui, his cheeks were sore from smiling, which was inconvenient since Loui's smile just made him smile even more.

And when they embraced? Carl knew beyond a doubt that he had never been happier, and he silently vowed to make sure he and Loui would always be this happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and/or a comment if you enjoyed this. :) And please go read the original fic, too! :D


End file.
